


Back in the barn

by s_a_b_i_n_e



Series: Destiel Oneshots (smut-free) [1]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel Deserves Nice Things (Supernatural), Coda, Dean Winchester Deserves Nice Things, First Kiss, Fix-It, Happy Ending, M/M, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-20
Updated: 2020-11-20
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:34:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27641483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/s_a_b_i_n_e/pseuds/s_a_b_i_n_e
Summary: Coda to the final episode. Not spoiler-free.Dean settles down in heaven and tries to reconnect to Castiel. But good things take time ... and a lot of beers.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: Destiel Oneshots (smut-free) [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2022302
Comments: 6
Kudos: 48





	Back in the barn

That he can't get properly wasted in heaven is the worst. The little buzz that God allows him to have is not even close to what Dean really wants from the perfectly tempered beer in his hand.

He looks at the many empty bottles in front of him, building a snake-like line, meandering through half of the barn where they first met. Time in heaven might move forward in strange ways, but if he counted the bottles, he would know how many days went by with him waiting to see his angel again.

He doesn't even know if Castiel is still an angel and with every passing day he questions more and more if it is okay to think of Cass in terms of 'mine'.

Isn't it strange that no matter what happened, no matter that Jack and Castiel created a better heaven, that Dean is still not really happy? Okay, he's not going to die again, that's a good thing. He also has his parents back and all the friends that he lost over the years. He _knows_ he will see Sammy again and one day meet the family that Eileen and his little brother for sure created, will hear them talk about their apple pie life. He's so looking forward to it. And still.

He takes another slug, the beer tastes stale. He should have started with whiskey, that at least would burn the lump in his throat. But he keeps the tradition of driving up here, music loud to drown out the ever plaguing thoughts of what-ifs, and a single beer in the barn.

He is not unhappy per se. He never has been. He is surrounded by many people he holds dear to his heart and they can mend his soul for a while, make him genuinely smile and laugh his ass off. But it is always only for a short time and then the spiralling returns.

Dean chuckles darkly. He always knew he couldn't run away from himself. What made him think for a single second that this could be any different now, just because he is in fucking heaven? No matter where he goes, he always brings himself. No different Dean is replacing him for good.

He empties the bottle and sets it down next to yesterday's. As always, the last thing he does is saying a prayer. He knows that it doesn't get through, but he needs to try. And then he'll drive home, will have dinner with mum and dad, and will be the grinning sonofabitch that he has always been, too. Both of these Deans are real and for the very first time, he is in peace with it. It's okay to be happy with a hole in his heart where Cass used to live. And it's okay to feel like shit sometimes, too. Even in heaven.

It's a true gift that here, memories are frozen in time, never fading away. He can access them, not like the memories of his childhood when he was still alive. Not what his brain remodelled back then and sold him as truth. No. The memories are pure and unedited. The words are right, emotions palpable, sound and touch as real as the moment itself was. 

Dean digs in, lets the memories of blue eyes, toothy grins, and slightly awkward embraces wash over him, hears the last words spoken as if they wouldn't break his heart all over again. He hears, "I love you", and he smiles. Smiles, because he doesn't have to process this piece of information at the same time as all the others that rushed through his head then, taking his brain offline for a far too long second and Castiel was gone.

He still smiles when he starts praying. In the beginning, it was on purpose, to let Castiel see how happy he is to have him back. Now it's mainly muscle memory but in the best way possible. Because these three little words and the monologue before them can't be taken away from him, not anymore. He allows himself to feel the happiness that these words should have elicited when the angel was speaking them.

 _Cass, if you can hear me. I just wanted to say, I am here, waiting_ , he speaks silently, his eyes closed as if it would boost the prayer's power. He hears phantom sounds of wings, a cruel game his brain sometimes plays on him. He is used to it. He chuckles darkly. "See you tomorrow," he says to the barn and the empty beer bottles.

He turns around and if it were possible, he would die all over again. There he stands in his rumpled trench coat and his skewed tie, their noses mere inches apart.

"Whoa, man, you scared the bejesus out of me. Personal space, remember?" he huffs out.

"I am sorry, Dean," Castiel says and Dean can't suppress a smile.

"It's alright, Cass. Not too busy anymore?"

"My work is done," the angel answers matter-of-factly. His eyes roam the barn and his brow knits together. He sighs. "I knew it was a good idea to make intoxication impossible in heaven."

"That was you? Sonofabitch! That isn't fair!"

"Life isn't always fair, Dean," the angel retorts dryly.

"Well, this isn't 'life', Cass, it's the 'afterlife'." Dean grins at his own stupid air quotes.

"You're right, of course."

"Man, really? We meet again after ..." he looks around, making a rough estimate of the empty bottles, "... several years, and you get all philosophical and shit? I waited so long for this moment! This wasn't what I imagined."

Dean giggles now and he's not quite sure what is so hysterical that he just can't stop doing it.

Castiel frowns. "What is so funny, Dean?"

Dean struggles to catch a breath between the giggles. He sounds like a teenage girl, but whatever.

"I thought you sweep me off my feet or I yours. I thought we would kiss after a millisecond and here we are, discussing the righteousness of being drunk in heaven."

His deep chuckle is back as is Castiel's toothy grin. "What is stopping you?" the angel asks and the question throws Dean's brain in a short circuit.

After a moment, he recovers. "Good question," he says, closes the space between them, and presses a kiss on Castiel's lips. It's warm and soft and bliss. After a long moment, Dean pulls back and looks at his angel's blushed cheeks and tender smile.

Dean chuckles. "By the way, I love you too."


End file.
